The Teen Whisperer

When the opportunity to read this book for PBN came along, I snagged it. Not because my oldest child is a “tween”, but maybe because I felt my teen years were so conflicted and I came out of it all OK in spite of my parents, not because of them. That disregard and feeling last place in my own family has been the driving force in many of the parenting decisions I make now.

I think the first thing of note to identify about The Teen Whisperer is that it isn’t all psychobabbly. Yes, that is a NEW WORD I just made up! Sure, he’s a licensed counselor who has worked with troubled teens for over a decade. But, he, as the author, makes it clear that in his own estimation he’s just a guy who seems to have a way with teenagers and the therapist stuff is all secondary. I mean, anybody familiar with farm and/or ranch life understands his “everyman” references to himself. It is humbling and backbreaking work that lends itself to developing a kid with those kind of responsibilities to have a no-nonsense outlook on life.

Little did I know when the time came to read and re-read portions of this book, so many sections would apply to my own life as its happening. Right now, as of this review, we have an appointment with my oldest son’s teacher regarding the four F’s (you read that right) he is getting right now in school. This is a kid who, until his grades slipped, was in the gifted program. He scores in the crazy smart percentages on state and national standardized tests. He’s a talented artist who also plays piano and has dreams to one day be an architect. And he also seems a little Jekyl-Hyde lately where he’s still his usual helpful self in one moment then a complaining punk in the next. It’s enough to make hubby and I want to tear our hair out.

Aren’t we super duper awesome parents?? So supportive, so intensely desiring to see our children succeed, be happy, do well?? Yeah, so were all the parents of the kids used as examples in the book. By my count, unless I’m forgetting one, the kids counseled in the book were the children of hard-working, well-intentioned parents for the most part.

The Teen Whisperer isn’t about casting blame on parents. It’s not about casting blame on the teens, though he does expect teens to take responsibility for their actions. The entire book is a systematic way of breaking down the major things that influence a teens life and how those things affect the choices, good or bad, that they make.

I have a group of friends of which I am one of the younger parents. As in, my kids are younger and many of them are in or have finished with their kids’ teen years. As my best friend told me once after enduring a toddler screaming fit that left me with frazzled nerves, “Little kids, little problems. Big kids, big problems”. I now understand what she meant, as I’d do just about anything to be back at a time when if my son was being naughty, I took away his beloved Thomas trains. Now, he’s flunking 6th grade and I feel very helpless.

The Teen Whisperer is a straightforward and common sense approach with professional validation. I appreciated his lack of BS, I tend to avoid self-help or psychology based texts like the plague. A lot of times, I think the authors of those kind of books come off horrifically pompous and kind of “I’m an expert, therefore I know everything” and I don’t usually like that. Linderman’s “aww shucks” approach makes the book easier to accept as something you might actually apply to your own parenting experiences.

He gets a little repetitive, but then again, sometimes it takes people multiple mentions for the message to be received. Additionally, if you are not a text or self-help book reader and if you don’t have teens, this probably doesn’t have a lot to offer. As a mother of four would-be teens, sooner rather than later, there were many helpful reminders as to staying on track in the parenting department. Bottom line: many problems are totally avoidable by raising kids with healthy self-esteem. Easier said than done, but it never hurts to hear the reminder.

As for my “tween”, we’ll make it through. Hubby and I are meeting with his teacher today to identify what is happening and how to help him through what is clearly a problematic time manifesting itself in his grades. But as long as there are people out there, like Linderman, who deeply care for and help kids, it makes me feel a little less overwhelmed.

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